Refrigerator Status

As a young adult I liked to hang things on my fridge. Important papers, artwork from the kids but especially photos that were important to me.

The selfies of myself and a close friend I used as a reminder to pray for them. Let’s face it, we know stuff about our friends and that alone requires our attention in our prayer life.

Something I’ve realized recently, as the years have worn on, the photos of myself with a friend are all gone.

As people ghosted me and disappeared they’ve been removed. They became a hurtful reminder of something I lost along the way .

Relationship, friendship, connection and community have been a struggle. Some of these people left because I was too much for them, and some because I wasn’t enough. Some because I wouldn’t conform and a few because I stood my ground.

I’ve chosen a narrow path, and this is a repercussion.

I still have a photo collection on the fridge. It’s now my children, grandchildren and of course my BFF, husband. (We take a selfie everywhere we go so there is a record of my existence)

As I have spiritually matured and my prayer life has evolved, I find I don’t need those pictures to remind me who to pray for. All I need is to sit in a quiet place for a bit and start praying or journaling.

I also don’t need the photos to validate anything.

The representation of those on my fridge now are a joyful reminder of all God has gifted and blessed me with. I realize God has provided me with the most wonderful people to fill in the gaps of my heart where other relationships held space and left an empty hole.

That’s been so important for me to understand.

Healing completely will take some time. Even the oldest wounds are still painful scars on occasion.

Holding to the memories isn’t always healthy and removing the pictures have been a symbolic way for me to allow myself time to adjust to the losses.

By reprioritizing my fridge, I have been able to refocus.

I’m also comforted by Psalm 17:15

(English Standard Version)

As for me, I shall behold your face in righteousness; when I awake, I shall be satisfied with your likeness.

Only Jesus can fill all the gaps.

Xoxo