Crisis in Marraige
When planning for the inevitable crisis in life, we can do many things. We can plan for a fire with smoke detectors and insurance. We can plan for cars to be wrecked with auto insurance and liability insurance. We can plan for physical losses of the things we own by taking pictures of them and accounting for their “worth” , creting a database of them to depend on if they are lost or stolen.
We make a lot of plans to cover our losses when we have physical possesions. What happens when the losses we suffer are not physical? What happens when there is a crisis in our marraige?
A crisis in marraige can be brought about by financial pressure, infidelity, lack of communication and misunderstanding among other things. By taking the time to notice when things start to change, we can prevent the changes from becoming a crisis.
For example, when unexpected spending comes up for a new well pump, or car repair, the best way to handle it is together, and to pray and to realize God really does provide all we need. The last thing your marriage needs is for someone to “take the blame” for something that is not within their control. Accepting blame or placing it causes additional friction to an already tense situation.
When a situation arises with your children and you and your spouse do not see eye to eye it is important to communicate those issues, feelings and where you stand and why. Neither of you are mind readers, and sharig your thoughts is a big way to avoid a common crisis that could be prevented. Talk it out, or better yet, talk then pray. Being careful to listen, as that is the biggest part of effective communication.
Being a loyal friend to your spouse is another way to avoid crisis- for me, I always know my husband has my back. Even if I am wrong and I am struggling with something on the outside of our marraige, he is supportive to help me find a solution. He is strong when I am weak, and our friendship is tough enough to handle a crisis of great proportion. We trust one another to keep our marraige sacred and safe from outside influences. We spend time getting to know one another even after 22+ years. We have on the full armor of God via marraige and it is a wonderful place to be. Getting there hasn’t been easy, but it has been worth it. We have been able to handle every crisis pitched our way together, through prayer and love, trust and understanding.
Crisis in marraige can be handled, resolved and rebuked at times, when the strength you draw is from God then your spouse. Being strong in marraige takes two, and it takes time. Handling crisis situations are not little events, but they can have minimal impact.
Praying for marital crisis today….
Matthew 25:18-31
go Provided in the packet:
- Enhance personal spiritual growth
- Cultivate a servant’s heart as you minister physically and
spiritually to needy people - Bonding with team members & the locals
- Exercise faith and increase your faith
- Give “hands on” help to the mission
- Be a witness of Christ’s love
- Increase mission awareness and involvement
- Experience a “foreign” culture
- Worship God with the locals
- Encourage others
- Builds and strengthens home church
- Open oneself to possible full-time Christian service
- Obey the Great Commission
reasons to go on a short term mission’s trip. However, for me it was a very
small yet distinct tug in my heart that said “Just GO’
whispers of God as you go about your everyday is not an easy task. He has given
us so much, yet he asks so little. When John and I were in Arizona the entire
experience was amazing. God kept whispering and we kept going.
were not ready for pick up for a planned
project- we met another need, and we kept going.
we were going out for the Least of These Ministry- so we stopped and purchased
ponchos for the homeless we would meet that day, and we kept going.
the week before our trip, so we had some uncertainty. Turns out God had a great
plan for us, so we kept going.
to step out of, yet you are never stepping out alone. On this trip there were
24 of us, and each of our skills and experiences were used in a way that only
God could use them, put together like a puzzle, and used to reach out and touch
the lives of everyone around us, those we were serving and those serving
alongside.
some thought and a tremendous amount of prayer, I would like to challenge and
encourage each of you to listen to your still small voice. Listen when you have
that tug in your heart to GO.
out with a team to Arizona to the Red Sands Church and School on June 13 ,
2015. We have room for 28 more people to
go with us. I would extend a personal invitation to join us for this trip.
Aside from joining us , there are other things we need.
donations to help defray the costs of the trip for some.
donations for programs like Least of These and VBS.
preparation and our travelers for safety and discernment in all of the things
we hope to accomplish this year at Red Sands.
Happy Anniversary Kids…
When two of our children got married in the same year, I thought I was going to go crazy….
There was so much to do, but mostly for me there was so much to keep organized. Our oldest got married to a wonderful girl in September, then our daughter got married to a wonderful boy in October.
Whew
Whirlwind
We planned and purchased and organized and coordinated. It was a fun time for everyoe, even though it was hectic. Now that they are all married and it has been almost a year for both, I thought I would let them know how I really feel.
**I love their spouses as if they were my own children. I respect their wishes and their thoughts. They all have their own homes they have established and I love that too. I think after a year they have learned so much about being married, yet they have so far to go. I try to be the kind of mother in law that is deserving of their love, and I try to be the best me I can be. I am a shoulder to cry on, a heart to celebrate with. I want to be a great witness to them of Gods love, and in my own marraige I want them to see how married couples should treat one another. I want them to understand that marraige is a lifelong commitment- it was in the vows and in their hearts the day they were married. I would like them to be honest with me, and open about their choices. I want them to have success in life, and to understand that perfection is highly over rated. I want them to all know that they can depend on dad and I for anything. Most of all I want them to know we love them unconditionally.
There are a lot of things in life I would have liked to taught my children before marraige, then I realized that most of those things I learned while married. My husband and I have been through a lot of crazyness where family goes. We have seen the best and the worst of people in their relationships with us and others. We have learned a few really valuable lessons:
*there is no room for jealousy in marriage from any source
*commitment to your spouse is your priority
*communication is key, and not one sided
*love comes in many forms but you shouldn’t have to ask for it
When my next two get married I will feel the same way. I want to honor the sanctity of their marraiges with a whole heart, and an understanding that even though they are always going to be my children they belong to someone else after marraige, and I couldn’t be happier or prouder of the men and women they have all become.
Praying for my children and their spouses, current and future….
9 minutes
When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I do is hit the snooze. The second thing I do is pray for my husband. I know from the time I hit that button until it starts with its annoying weird sound again I have 9 minutes to sleep, or pray.
Now I know what you are thinking. What on earth would I pray about for 9 minutes that only concerns my husband? I pray about his entire day- everything from his first waking moments and his drive to work to the moment his head hits the pillow beside me at night.
If he has a meeting, I pray about that. If he is feeling groggy, I pray about that. If someone has hurt his feelings, he is worried or is just feeling down, I pray about those things.
Praiyng for your husband can change your world. On the mornings he is still in bed beside me, I lay my open hand on his back or shoulder and I pray. Usually I pray longer than 9 minutes, because the alarm goes off in the middle of something important I need to finish.
Some of you may think this is a strange habit I have gotten into- but that is just the point. I am a super-procrastinator. I can put off anything I need to do and make any excuse to put it off sound completely logical. I had to find a way to make myself stop and take the time to pray. So in the morning, during that awful time between alarms and waking 2 teen boys for school, I choose to pray. When the second alarm goes off I pray for my children, their spouses and their children. It is a simple way to make prayer part of my routine.
When the rest of your life is inconsistent in schedule, you have to find ways to accomplish the goals you have set for yourself, and praying for them is one of my goals.
Choosing to spend time meditating for hours is what I would like to do. I would love to have a corner of my room with pillows on the floor, quiet worship music playing and a full hour to pray without my mind interrupting my thoughts. It just doesn’t happen that way. So I spend my prayer time focused, in the quiet of the morning, on what I think is most important to pray about.
My marraige is the number 1 relationship in importance to me, only behind my relationship with Christ. To pray for my husband and all he does everyday is an honor for me. Even on days when he has been grumpy. or when we are in disagreement about something, I pray for him. God has a way of blessing us through prayer, and through scripture. The more I pray for my husband, the more I am blesssed.
I would like to encourage you to find a moment to pray specifically for your spouse each day as part of your routine. It is important to communicate to our Father what our needs are, and what our husbands need is just as important.
Praying for the marraiges out there that need prayer, peace and perserverance.
Prince Charming
For the past year our family has gathered in the living room to tune in to the show “Once Upon A TIme”. It has been a quiet hour of non stop fairy tale action- yet there is somthing missing.
There is no bad language. The violence is no more than you can imagine from a fairy tale. There is magic and an almost endless supply of characters.
My favorite character is Pince Charming. He is the lovely husband of Snow White, and he often is found rescuing her (or somone else) from the current villian causing them all distress. I like him because he fills a role everyone wants and expects from Prince Charming. Dashing smile. Quick to be the hero. Good sound decision making. Always looking out for his girl .
I find that often times my friends and their friends expect this kind of behavior out of their own Prince Charmings. We like to think our husbands will rescue us in any circumstance, never to be left alone fending for ourselves. Sometimes the things we get ourselves into require our husbands rescuing us from ourselves. Although I do not like to admit it, when I need rescuing, it is generally due to some stupid thing I have done to cause myself some greif and heartache. On occassion, I actually need a real life rescue from some situation. But for the most part, I need rescued from myself.
Another thing we expect from our husbands is for them to read our minds- to just know when we are emotionally spent or physically wrung out. Some of us are great at expressing our weaknesses- some of us expect a miracle. Prince Charmings all over the world are rescuing damsels in distress becasue they communicated what they needed, not because their handsome prince was so in tune with their every need that he just knew.
I personally love my Prince Charming. He is my everything, my soulmate. He does have a very intuitive way about him, and after 22 years of marraige and friendship, we are capable of taking care of one another on many levels.
However, sometimes when I am feeling distressed or blue, I have to tell him how I feel. I have to make sure he knows what I am thinking. It is my responsibility to communicate my weaknesses, my wants, my desires with him, so is fully aware of my circumstance and can do whatever he feels he needs to do to put a smile on my face and a warm fuzzy feeling in my heart.
When thinking about your prince charming today, think about this- have you given him enough information to love you the way Prince Charming would love Snow White? If you haven’t- what is holding you back from your fairy tale?
Isaiah 30:18-21
There are some verses in Isaiah that I have learned to depend on when I feel like I have lost my way.
The entire passage fills me with hope and conviction to trust God and obey His word…It also bring some peace on those days when I just feel directionless.
Isaiah 30:18-21
“So the Lord must wait for you to come to him, so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. Oh people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Tough the Lord gave you adversity for food, and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him, Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,whether to the left or to the right.” Then you will destroy all your silver idols and your precious gold images. You will throw them out like filthy rags saying to them “Good riddance”.”
There is a certain peace that comes with hearing a promise written by God that is applicable to me in this very harsh world. In my lifetime I have seen wars, I have seen terrorism, I have seen domestic violence and other crimes against seemingly innocent people. Personally I take these things really hard, though I have never had a personal relationship with any victims. I turn off the news to curb my anxiety. I listen to Christian Radio (K-LOVE shameless plug) . I spend my time with the tv on, not really watching, just background noise. I study. I write. At the end of the day the still small voice that urges me to pray urges me to simplify, to write, to worship.
I turn off the tv and wonder why on earth I made the choice to make the Lord, the Creator of the entire universe, wait for me.
Vs18 tells me its not the first time. He waits to show me his love, his compassion. Things I live to see.
Vs19 promises me no more weeping,no more crying. A simple request and God is gracious to me. Through all of my personal suffering and adversity, he brings me peace.
Vs 21 tells me I do not listen very well.
Lets address this last most important verse:
If you want to hear what God has to say to you, first you must ask him, then you must stop and listen.
Stop.
Listen.
Pray.
Listen.
Seems so simple. Seems so easy. Seems very directive. Hmmm…
Then why do I find it so hard to just stop moving and listen?
Be still he says.
Be still.
So I read this scripture each day before bed and pray over my family and friends, that I may be a blessing to them. Then I pray for my own procrastination, and that I can learn to stop and listen to that still small voice that speaks to me ever so clearly when I choose to hear it.
Friendship and Marraige
Being the BFF of your spouse is an awesome adventure. Marriage is an awesome adventure. It can also be a time of great connection, amazing conversations and long road trips. Marriage and friendship belong together.
When God created woman, he intended for her to be a “helper” to man. Everyone else had a mate, yet man stood alone. Instead of taking her from the earth, like He did everything else, He took her from his best creation- man.
God really put some planning and thought into this one. He was so in tune with His creation, He knew exactly what it needed. When woman joined the side of man in the garden, there became a blessed and inseparable bond between them. They became one in all ways, mind body and soul.
This “one-ness” is exactly how marriage is patterned. God gives us a few really important rules, and we abide by them in our marriages. When we follow God’s plan for our marriage, we are blessed within that union beyond measure. We have a closeness and a friendship that maybe some married couples just do not understand.
It can become tricky at times, when another married couple is having some difficulty. It can be hard to hear others say “oh, your marriage is so perfect” ( I normally cringe when I hear this one- I believe you should never compare this part of your life to someone else.) When our marriage is put through a test- and this does happen, we determine what is more important- to argue over something or to fight for something.
*Fighting for something ( your marriage) is something you have to do together.
*Arguing over something is something you do apart- there is no strength there.
Spending time together, fighting for our friendship is always a better time than trying to figure out who is “right” when we disagree. For our marriage personally, arguing over trivial things is not normally an option. Sure, its fun to be “right” about a baseball score, or a detail in a movie. The trick is to be respectful about being right- having fun with details and not taking yourself too seriously. When we spend time together alone it is important to us both that we communicate our wants, needs and desires on every level. Everything that we disagree about must be resolved and communicated clearly. We have faced many obstacles in 22 years of marriage, and more than that in friendship.
Having my husband as my best friend sounds like a fairytale, I know. Our lives aren’t perfect, and once you realize perfection in marriage is as impossible as perfection in any relationship, it takes the pressure off so you can focus on the real issue at hand- loving one another unconditionally the way Christs love is showered on us in our marital relationships.
Praying for friendship in your marriage today.
Giving Your Marraige a Chance
Marriage isn’t for wimps.
Sometimes marriage can bring out the wimp in a girl, but for the most part it is a balance of strength and courage. A balance of knowing when to fight and knowing when to bend.
Marriage is a grand adventure for some of us. Everyday there is a new hurdle, a new discovery. Sometimes the things I learn about my spouse do not surprise me at all. Sometimes though, I am completely shocked. Even after 22 years, my hubby and I are continually surprising each other. We are able to communicate without a word, yet sometimes when we speak we don’t hear each other at all. It is such a unique relationship- marriage.
Though I have never found myself comparing ours to others, sometimes I hear other women comparing their marriage to others, and it is unnerving. To compare your own personal life with another is by no stretch of the imagination setting yourself up for major disappointment. The truth is, you are married to your spouse, not someone elses. We all come from different places, different families, different lifestyles. Our careers aren’t the same, our children unique. We have very different financial pictures, very different homes, very different homemaking styles. We have different marriages, so they should be- well- different.
When in marriage, we must not let ourselves get caught into the trap of comparing our relationship to that of others. Each of us brings something unique to the table-sometimes our spouse brings more (or less) than we bargained for. The trick to happy marriage is simply this- don’t forget where you came from.
Think back to that day when you and your spouse said your vows. What ever it was that you said to your spouse on that day was before God and everyone. And you meant it. So did he. Somewhere along the line, someone has forgotten those words and what they meant. When you find yourself struggling in your marriage, you need to remember the reason you got married in the first place. Sometimes your spouse forgets, sometimes you forget. I know it is only your responsibility to control your own actions in your marriage, so please do not blame yourself for your spouses decisions. However, there is something to be said for a woman ( or man) who takes some time to step back and evaluate themselves in the context of the relationship with their spouse. There are two sides to every story, there are two people in this relationship. Could it be a simple miscommunication blown out of proportion to reality? Is it a lack of confidence thing? Maybe it is just a minor oversight. Sometimes we need to investigate to get to the root of our marital woes.
If you have a marriage that you are struggling in what are you waiting for? Since marriage is forever, waiting to find resolution with issues is not a great idea. Forever is a long time to be unhappy, on edge and frustrated.
Praying for your marriage today.
Reaping what you sow….
Sometime last month I heard a person say “you reap what you sow”.
Yes, I believe a person does reap what he sows- it is biblical after all. However, there was a certain context to this message that got me to thinking. The context was, at best, unnerving. I noticed a lot of people looking guilty about the message being conveyed and I had to do some research to find out what I really believe about this topic.
I surprised myself immensely and I am sure if you are a parent of children either in your household or in their own as adults, you will be glad to hear what I am about to say.
Its not all your fault. You are not the only influence on your children. You are not responsible for their decisions once they are adults and leave to build a life of their own.
There I said it.
Now I will explain. In Galatians 6, the entire chapter deals with this topic. Reaping and sowing and being responsible for your own actions. Your own actions.
When my children were born, they had consistent time with other influences in their lives. Relatives, television, social media and more. There were people from church, school and the community. There were so many people from so many walks of life I don’t think I could even make an accurate list. Lets just say they had a lot of influence aside from their father and I, and it wasn’t all Christian, and it wasn’t all Godly. Some of those people are really great people. They have jobs, they pay their bills, they are decent members of society. Some struggle, but are still awesome people- very few were the kind of people you would actually keep your family from.
Hubby and I do not claim to be perfect either. We have made our share of parenting mistakes. We actually used to call our oldest son our experimental child- we didn’t have a clue what we were doing as parents and they don’t exactly come out of the womb with an instruction manual in their little hand.
The best advice we had was what we witnessed from older parents, and parents of older children. There were a lot of things we knew we would never do as parents. But filtering through the list of decisions to make every day was at times overwhelming, and as young Christians we did our best. I will admit, the Christian mentors for us were few and far between. We had our bibles and each other. There were no people our age with kids and marriage around us at that time. It was not easy. But we loved them and each other, and with a whole lot of prayer and a lot more chaos we came out the other side.
*Insert soapbox statement-
In all the years of parenting I have learned that if you wait for someone to mentor you , one day you will be marrying off your first and second born in the same fall and not even know what hit you until your house is half empty and for the first time you have a spare bedroom. Mentor a young parent if you can. don’t tell them how to do it- show them.
Back to this reaping and sowing.
I am the first to admit my mistakes, because why wait for someone else to point them out? So as I sat listening to this lecture ( as I interpreted it) I was just stunned. I was almost blaming myself for my children’s adult choices. That’s it, I have proven to myself that everything is my fault. After all, that is what i was being told.
The reason my son, his wife and child aren’t at church is because…..I didn’t teach them it was important. Every Sunday. From the time he was born. He never knew it was important. Or who God was. Or who Jesus is. Or that his father and I love him unconditionally like our father in heaven loves us. Or that we disagree with certain things he does as an adult that we feel are sins. Because I don’t tell him……
OK Wait just a minute.
RECAP
Every Sunday since he was born.
Who God Is.
Who Jesus is.
That we love him.
Leading and guiding him still.
Loving him and now his wife and children unconditionally.
We did everything the way we believed was biblical and he still makes his own choice. Its called FREE WILL. Its a “provision” God allows to his children.
WHEW.
Its not all my fault.
There were other influences.
Praise the Lord.
As a side note i will say, if it were my decision all of my children would be worshiping somewhere every chance they got. I understand , however, that our adult children spend some time doing what they want to do because they never have before. I lean on the scripture from
Proverbs 22:6…Train a child in the way he would go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
God made provisions for me to learn from my mistakes- my sin- when I was a younger person. I didn’t do it all right, but I have been forgiven for all of those mistakes I made as a young adult. My faith and my reading tell me our God will do the same for my children and I must depend on his plan for them. I know my children are my responsibility until they are adults. But to say that I have “reaped what I have sown” in them as their only life influence is too bold a statement for anyone to make.
Your children are a gift from God and He has a plan. You’re the best influence for them- but unfortunately not the only one. Prayer and striving for a better spiritual life in an open way are the best way to be a great and Godly influence in your child’s life at any age. Gods redemption is for everyone, and it is never too late.
Praying for those who’s homes are made of glass as the rocks fling around and around. We are all sinners. Lets come together as repentant and humble servants.
My Grandma
Last Monday, I stood with members of my family and held my grandmas hand as she took her last breath and passed on to a much much better place.
My facebook page and cell phone quickly filled with messages of condolence and sorrow, and most people who ran into me over the past week have expressed their apologies at my loss. (thank you all so much)
My Grandma was an amazing woman and lived a long amazing life. She turned 97 on March 25 of this year. She and my Grandfather had 7 children, including my dad , his brother and 5 sisters. They are an impossible group of people- so diverse and so tough and such an impact on my life. My Aunt took my grandma in a few years ago after the thief called dementia was discovered. Grandma had a suite at my aunts house- better than at most apartments or hotels. She had her cat Buddy and all of things that she needed to feel like it was home. I could never express how grateful I have always been to this youngest daughter – taking in her mother and caring for her the way she did. Her siblings took on the burden of filling in so she could go places, and her husband has been amazing just supporting it all.
This is what family is supposed to look like all the time.
Generous with their time and resources. Loving even when you do not deserve it. Helpful when you don’t ask for it, and supportive when you struggle. And when you come to a time in your life when you cannot possibly do it on your own, they will take you in and treasure you until the very end.
( side note-When I spend time reflecting on my Grandmother and her life and the people she touched, it makes me think of my church family and how much time we really spend looking out for one another on this earth. After all, isn’t this for the most part our eternal family? One would like to think so . Then why don’t we act like it? Our church family should be the ones we can depend on no matter what. Yet I find when I am alone and hurting, they are the last people I want to share with because I do not want their judgement. How unlike the teaching of Jesus! )
As I sat in the church that day during the funeral, we were all given the opportunity to speak- to say something about our Grandmother, mother and friend. My mother gave a lovely tribute to her as her mother in law, and spoke for the rest of the in-laws about her never ending grace, love and hope. I decided to go ahead and read what I had written, and started up the stairs.
“At some point last weekend some of us were talking about the things Grandma gave us. It was determined our collective arthritis could be contributed to her. For me personally it was the love of plants, growing things and creating garden spaces for my family and others to enjoy. These past few days I’ve had the time to reflect on some of the other things Grandma has given us. I realized then just how much she reflected the life and love of Christ.
In Matthew 25:31-40 it says:
“When the Son of Man comes in his Glory and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. ALL nations will be gathered before him and he will separate the people from one another as a Shepard separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep to his right and the goats to his left.
Then the King will say to those who are on his right “Come you who are blessed by my father; take your inheritance the kingdom, prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
Then the Righteous will answer him “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in? Or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you?”
The King will reply “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
These are the things I witnessed my Grandmother do for me, my family and all of you. For me she will always be a shining example of Jesus Christ and I am so Thankful she is at his table now, sitting to the right.”
As I walked away I was really glad I didn’t follow my 8 year old niece, who expressed her love for grandma and brought the house down. She also announced she is officially #72 in
the family lineup . She is such a blessing.
I think I have a shocking response to those who are not believers when they tell me how sorry they are about my grandmother, because I am not sorry at all. I watched her lose her memory over the past few years. I watched her lay in her bed unwilling to move over the last few months, just passing time waiting for Jesus to take her home. My Grandmother is not alone, and she is full of memories. She has a new body that will not fail her. She has a new robe and a new life that will last forever and ever. She has my grandpa and my cousins, my aunt and my grandchild all to take care of in her perfect Grandma style. My sadness is a personal and selfish one. My happiness and peace comes from knowing she is with Jesus, right where she wanted to be.
I know she loves me, as I love her.
See you soon Grandma, for this earth is quick to pass and heaven is eternal and it awaits us all if we choose it.
