Isaiah 30:18-21
There are some verses in Isaiah that I have learned to depend on when I feel like I have lost my way.
The entire passage fills me with hope and conviction to trust God and obey His word…It also bring some peace on those days when I just feel directionless.
Isaiah 30:18-21
“So the Lord must wait for you to come to him, so he can show you his love and compassion. For the Lord is a faithful God. Blessed are those who wait for his help. Oh people of Zion, who live in Jerusalem, you will weep no more. He will be gracious if you ask for help. He will surely respond to the sound of your cries. Tough the Lord gave you adversity for food, and suffering for drink, he will still be with you to teach you. You will see your teacher with your own eyes. Your own ears will hear him, Right behind you a voice will say, “This is the way you should go,whether to the left or to the right.” Then you will destroy all your silver idols and your precious gold images. You will throw them out like filthy rags saying to them “Good riddance”.”
There is a certain peace that comes with hearing a promise written by God that is applicable to me in this very harsh world. In my lifetime I have seen wars, I have seen terrorism, I have seen domestic violence and other crimes against seemingly innocent people. Personally I take these things really hard, though I have never had a personal relationship with any victims. I turn off the news to curb my anxiety. I listen to Christian Radio (K-LOVE shameless plug) . I spend my time with the tv on, not really watching, just background noise. I study. I write. At the end of the day the still small voice that urges me to pray urges me to simplify, to write, to worship.
I turn off the tv and wonder why on earth I made the choice to make the Lord, the Creator of the entire universe, wait for me.
Vs18 tells me its not the first time. He waits to show me his love, his compassion. Things I live to see.
Vs19 promises me no more weeping,no more crying. A simple request and God is gracious to me. Through all of my personal suffering and adversity, he brings me peace.
Vs 21 tells me I do not listen very well.
Lets address this last most important verse:
If you want to hear what God has to say to you, first you must ask him, then you must stop and listen.
Stop.
Listen.
Pray.
Listen.
Seems so simple. Seems so easy. Seems very directive. Hmmm…
Then why do I find it so hard to just stop moving and listen?
Be still he says.
Be still.
So I read this scripture each day before bed and pray over my family and friends, that I may be a blessing to them. Then I pray for my own procrastination, and that I can learn to stop and listen to that still small voice that speaks to me ever so clearly when I choose to hear it.
Friendship and Marraige
Being the BFF of your spouse is an awesome adventure. Marriage is an awesome adventure. It can also be a time of great connection, amazing conversations and long road trips. Marriage and friendship belong together.
When God created woman, he intended for her to be a “helper” to man. Everyone else had a mate, yet man stood alone. Instead of taking her from the earth, like He did everything else, He took her from his best creation- man.
God really put some planning and thought into this one. He was so in tune with His creation, He knew exactly what it needed. When woman joined the side of man in the garden, there became a blessed and inseparable bond between them. They became one in all ways, mind body and soul.
This “one-ness” is exactly how marriage is patterned. God gives us a few really important rules, and we abide by them in our marriages. When we follow God’s plan for our marriage, we are blessed within that union beyond measure. We have a closeness and a friendship that maybe some married couples just do not understand.
It can become tricky at times, when another married couple is having some difficulty. It can be hard to hear others say “oh, your marriage is so perfect” ( I normally cringe when I hear this one- I believe you should never compare this part of your life to someone else.) When our marriage is put through a test- and this does happen, we determine what is more important- to argue over something or to fight for something.
*Fighting for something ( your marriage) is something you have to do together.
*Arguing over something is something you do apart- there is no strength there.
Spending time together, fighting for our friendship is always a better time than trying to figure out who is “right” when we disagree. For our marriage personally, arguing over trivial things is not normally an option. Sure, its fun to be “right” about a baseball score, or a detail in a movie. The trick is to be respectful about being right- having fun with details and not taking yourself too seriously. When we spend time together alone it is important to us both that we communicate our wants, needs and desires on every level. Everything that we disagree about must be resolved and communicated clearly. We have faced many obstacles in 22 years of marriage, and more than that in friendship.
Having my husband as my best friend sounds like a fairytale, I know. Our lives aren’t perfect, and once you realize perfection in marriage is as impossible as perfection in any relationship, it takes the pressure off so you can focus on the real issue at hand- loving one another unconditionally the way Christs love is showered on us in our marital relationships.
Praying for friendship in your marriage today.
Giving Your Marraige a Chance
Marriage isn’t for wimps.
Sometimes marriage can bring out the wimp in a girl, but for the most part it is a balance of strength and courage. A balance of knowing when to fight and knowing when to bend.
Marriage is a grand adventure for some of us. Everyday there is a new hurdle, a new discovery. Sometimes the things I learn about my spouse do not surprise me at all. Sometimes though, I am completely shocked. Even after 22 years, my hubby and I are continually surprising each other. We are able to communicate without a word, yet sometimes when we speak we don’t hear each other at all. It is such a unique relationship- marriage.
Though I have never found myself comparing ours to others, sometimes I hear other women comparing their marriage to others, and it is unnerving. To compare your own personal life with another is by no stretch of the imagination setting yourself up for major disappointment. The truth is, you are married to your spouse, not someone elses. We all come from different places, different families, different lifestyles. Our careers aren’t the same, our children unique. We have very different financial pictures, very different homes, very different homemaking styles. We have different marriages, so they should be- well- different.
When in marriage, we must not let ourselves get caught into the trap of comparing our relationship to that of others. Each of us brings something unique to the table-sometimes our spouse brings more (or less) than we bargained for. The trick to happy marriage is simply this- don’t forget where you came from.
Think back to that day when you and your spouse said your vows. What ever it was that you said to your spouse on that day was before God and everyone. And you meant it. So did he. Somewhere along the line, someone has forgotten those words and what they meant. When you find yourself struggling in your marriage, you need to remember the reason you got married in the first place. Sometimes your spouse forgets, sometimes you forget. I know it is only your responsibility to control your own actions in your marriage, so please do not blame yourself for your spouses decisions. However, there is something to be said for a woman ( or man) who takes some time to step back and evaluate themselves in the context of the relationship with their spouse. There are two sides to every story, there are two people in this relationship. Could it be a simple miscommunication blown out of proportion to reality? Is it a lack of confidence thing? Maybe it is just a minor oversight. Sometimes we need to investigate to get to the root of our marital woes.
If you have a marriage that you are struggling in what are you waiting for? Since marriage is forever, waiting to find resolution with issues is not a great idea. Forever is a long time to be unhappy, on edge and frustrated.
Praying for your marriage today.
Reaping what you sow….
Sometime last month I heard a person say “you reap what you sow”.
Yes, I believe a person does reap what he sows- it is biblical after all. However, there was a certain context to this message that got me to thinking. The context was, at best, unnerving. I noticed a lot of people looking guilty about the message being conveyed and I had to do some research to find out what I really believe about this topic.
I surprised myself immensely and I am sure if you are a parent of children either in your household or in their own as adults, you will be glad to hear what I am about to say.
Its not all your fault. You are not the only influence on your children. You are not responsible for their decisions once they are adults and leave to build a life of their own.
There I said it.
Now I will explain. In Galatians 6, the entire chapter deals with this topic. Reaping and sowing and being responsible for your own actions. Your own actions.
When my children were born, they had consistent time with other influences in their lives. Relatives, television, social media and more. There were people from church, school and the community. There were so many people from so many walks of life I don’t think I could even make an accurate list. Lets just say they had a lot of influence aside from their father and I, and it wasn’t all Christian, and it wasn’t all Godly. Some of those people are really great people. They have jobs, they pay their bills, they are decent members of society. Some struggle, but are still awesome people- very few were the kind of people you would actually keep your family from.
Hubby and I do not claim to be perfect either. We have made our share of parenting mistakes. We actually used to call our oldest son our experimental child- we didn’t have a clue what we were doing as parents and they don’t exactly come out of the womb with an instruction manual in their little hand.
The best advice we had was what we witnessed from older parents, and parents of older children. There were a lot of things we knew we would never do as parents. But filtering through the list of decisions to make every day was at times overwhelming, and as young Christians we did our best. I will admit, the Christian mentors for us were few and far between. We had our bibles and each other. There were no people our age with kids and marriage around us at that time. It was not easy. But we loved them and each other, and with a whole lot of prayer and a lot more chaos we came out the other side.
*Insert soapbox statement-
In all the years of parenting I have learned that if you wait for someone to mentor you , one day you will be marrying off your first and second born in the same fall and not even know what hit you until your house is half empty and for the first time you have a spare bedroom. Mentor a young parent if you can. don’t tell them how to do it- show them.
Back to this reaping and sowing.
I am the first to admit my mistakes, because why wait for someone else to point them out? So as I sat listening to this lecture ( as I interpreted it) I was just stunned. I was almost blaming myself for my children’s adult choices. That’s it, I have proven to myself that everything is my fault. After all, that is what i was being told.
The reason my son, his wife and child aren’t at church is because…..I didn’t teach them it was important. Every Sunday. From the time he was born. He never knew it was important. Or who God was. Or who Jesus is. Or that his father and I love him unconditionally like our father in heaven loves us. Or that we disagree with certain things he does as an adult that we feel are sins. Because I don’t tell him……
OK Wait just a minute.
RECAP
Every Sunday since he was born.
Who God Is.
Who Jesus is.
That we love him.
Leading and guiding him still.
Loving him and now his wife and children unconditionally.
We did everything the way we believed was biblical and he still makes his own choice. Its called FREE WILL. Its a “provision” God allows to his children.
WHEW.
Its not all my fault.
There were other influences.
Praise the Lord.
As a side note i will say, if it were my decision all of my children would be worshiping somewhere every chance they got. I understand , however, that our adult children spend some time doing what they want to do because they never have before. I lean on the scripture from
Proverbs 22:6…Train a child in the way he would go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.
God made provisions for me to learn from my mistakes- my sin- when I was a younger person. I didn’t do it all right, but I have been forgiven for all of those mistakes I made as a young adult. My faith and my reading tell me our God will do the same for my children and I must depend on his plan for them. I know my children are my responsibility until they are adults. But to say that I have “reaped what I have sown” in them as their only life influence is too bold a statement for anyone to make.
Your children are a gift from God and He has a plan. You’re the best influence for them- but unfortunately not the only one. Prayer and striving for a better spiritual life in an open way are the best way to be a great and Godly influence in your child’s life at any age. Gods redemption is for everyone, and it is never too late.
Praying for those who’s homes are made of glass as the rocks fling around and around. We are all sinners. Lets come together as repentant and humble servants.
My Grandma
Last Monday, I stood with members of my family and held my grandmas hand as she took her last breath and passed on to a much much better place.
My facebook page and cell phone quickly filled with messages of condolence and sorrow, and most people who ran into me over the past week have expressed their apologies at my loss. (thank you all so much)
My Grandma was an amazing woman and lived a long amazing life. She turned 97 on March 25 of this year. She and my Grandfather had 7 children, including my dad , his brother and 5 sisters. They are an impossible group of people- so diverse and so tough and such an impact on my life. My Aunt took my grandma in a few years ago after the thief called dementia was discovered. Grandma had a suite at my aunts house- better than at most apartments or hotels. She had her cat Buddy and all of things that she needed to feel like it was home. I could never express how grateful I have always been to this youngest daughter – taking in her mother and caring for her the way she did. Her siblings took on the burden of filling in so she could go places, and her husband has been amazing just supporting it all.
This is what family is supposed to look like all the time.
Generous with their time and resources. Loving even when you do not deserve it. Helpful when you don’t ask for it, and supportive when you struggle. And when you come to a time in your life when you cannot possibly do it on your own, they will take you in and treasure you until the very end.
( side note-When I spend time reflecting on my Grandmother and her life and the people she touched, it makes me think of my church family and how much time we really spend looking out for one another on this earth. After all, isn’t this for the most part our eternal family? One would like to think so . Then why don’t we act like it? Our church family should be the ones we can depend on no matter what. Yet I find when I am alone and hurting, they are the last people I want to share with because I do not want their judgement. How unlike the teaching of Jesus! )
As I sat in the church that day during the funeral, we were all given the opportunity to speak- to say something about our Grandmother, mother and friend. My mother gave a lovely tribute to her as her mother in law, and spoke for the rest of the in-laws about her never ending grace, love and hope. I decided to go ahead and read what I had written, and started up the stairs.
“At some point last weekend some of us were talking about the things Grandma gave us. It was determined our collective arthritis could be contributed to her. For me personally it was the love of plants, growing things and creating garden spaces for my family and others to enjoy. These past few days I’ve had the time to reflect on some of the other things Grandma has given us. I realized then just how much she reflected the life and love of Christ.
In Matthew 25:31-40 it says:
“When the Son of Man comes in his Glory and all the angels with him, he will sit on his throne in heavenly glory. ALL nations will be gathered before him and he will separate the people from one another as a Shepard separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep to his right and the goats to his left.
Then the King will say to those who are on his right “Come you who are blessed by my father; take your inheritance the kingdom, prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.”
Then the Righteous will answer him “Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in? Or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go visit you?”
The King will reply “I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers of mine, you did for me.”
These are the things I witnessed my Grandmother do for me, my family and all of you. For me she will always be a shining example of Jesus Christ and I am so Thankful she is at his table now, sitting to the right.”
As I walked away I was really glad I didn’t follow my 8 year old niece, who expressed her love for grandma and brought the house down. She also announced she is officially #72 in
the family lineup . She is such a blessing.
I think I have a shocking response to those who are not believers when they tell me how sorry they are about my grandmother, because I am not sorry at all. I watched her lose her memory over the past few years. I watched her lay in her bed unwilling to move over the last few months, just passing time waiting for Jesus to take her home. My Grandmother is not alone, and she is full of memories. She has a new body that will not fail her. She has a new robe and a new life that will last forever and ever. She has my grandpa and my cousins, my aunt and my grandchild all to take care of in her perfect Grandma style. My sadness is a personal and selfish one. My happiness and peace comes from knowing she is with Jesus, right where she wanted to be.
I know she loves me, as I love her.
See you soon Grandma, for this earth is quick to pass and heaven is eternal and it awaits us all if we choose it.
the storm
The storm in our part of the country in the last few weeks has nothing on the storm in my heart…
Being the mother of 4 children, I can tell you I have experienced more levels of emotions than anyone ever could have prepared me for . My husband and I have spent countless hours nurturing their hearts, changing their diapers, band-aiding their boo-boos, and taking them for ice cream when their hearts were broken. We have spent time in the emergency room, parent teacher conferences, church trips, vacations, sports, birthday parties and picking up from friends houses. We have spent countless amounts of money on shoes,clothing, fast food, video games, vacations, potato chips and soda. We have replaced furniture,carpet, electronics and appliances. We have sacrificed friendships and endured hardships for the sake of our family.
And now that our children are grown and moving out on their own, I wish I could do it all over again. I would say things to them that I never said, I would change the things I didn’t act on immediately and I would have read the bible to them more. I would never miss a Sunday of church, and church camp would have been mandatory. There would be no tv in every room, no video games or cable access 24-7. There would be college funds, car funds and insurance funds. There would be more vegetables.
I cannot go back and do it all over again, and I think my children are going to survive. I know parents always say they want more for their kids than they had- but is that really such a good idea? We have 5 working tvs in this house, two Kindles, Three lap tops and a desktop, 3 working video game systems, 2 televisions with satellite access, and not one bookshelf.
(We use the library, and the Kindles, so technically we do read. Well, some of us read. Some of us – just don’t.)
Instead of beating my self up about my children and my failures- as I see them- as a parent, maybe I should be grateful they are all healthy, alive and independent. Maybe I should just ask God to bless them and intercede on their behalf because I am their mother and I love them. Maybe I should stop comparing myself to those other moms who feed their kids organic carrots and have never visited a fast food restaurant for dinner. Maybe I should learn from Martha when she was preparing for a visit from Jesus instead of focusing on him. After all, if I had done that all along, maybe I wouldn’t have those guilty regrets in the first place.
I do not want to discourage mommas who are having moments of being overwhelmed and trying to get it all done. But I will say this- when you are sitting where I am sitting, and two of your babies have flown the coop, been married and are developing families, and the other two babies are sprouting and trying out their wings, you realize that laundry, organic carrots and hair styles are not all that important. It doesn’t matter what your mother in law says, or the lady at the boutique. The comments from other moms at the soccer field or the looks from the moms who lead the PTO are only going to last while they are being spoken. The second you walk away, they have all forgotten you and your brood- I can almost guarantee it.
And what does your brood remember?
That their momma chose their smile over laundry, their ice cream face over carrots and their splashing in the rain over keeping her hair tidy. They remember your encouragement as they head off to high school, and your tears as they get married. They remember your smile, your comforting hug and that where ever their momma is, that is where they will always belong- no matter what.
The storm in my heart will always rage for my children- they will always be the first people I want to share things with (after my hubby), and the ones I will hurt for, ache with and love in an emotional way that only a mother can understand. When I look at them I see freckles, dirt, milk mustaches and smiles. I see their accomplishments and I see their failure all as my own. I help them get up and dust off when they fall, and I still dry their tears when disappointed.
As this storm rages, a new storm is brewing, in the generation of my grandchildren. If you can believe it, this storm is stronger than the last, because I already know what its like to love a child of my own- and having them raise another generation is just absolutely breathtaking.
Praying for this generation and the next-in parenting and beyond.
My Thanksgiving
My favorite part of Thanksgiving is……
The Thanksgiving.
Sometimes I think we completely overlook the act being thankful in our everyday lives…however, this week, Thanksgiving is at the forefront of our minds. Sure, there is turkey and all of the trimmings. Traditionally I purchase poinsettias this week to keep for the holidays. We divide the tasks for the big dinner between myself, my momma and my sister in law. We eat, shop and laugh the entire weekend. The guys go hunting for pheasant, and spend time together bonding in the great outdoors with a bunch of dogs who run amuck like the kids…then on Monday- back to reality .
Reality
Now that is something worth discussing.
Why is it that our reality doesn’t include being thankful everyday for every moment? When we are young, we are taught please and thank you. We learn to write thank-you notes for graduations and weddings. But what is being thankful really about?
The word I like for giving thanks is eucharisteo. It means to give thanks. When considering that every moment of every day is a gift from God, shouldn’t thankfulness be a part of our everyday, like prayer and showering? Maybe thankfulness is just hard for some, because of their circumstances or life situation.
As for me, I will continue to give thanks for every single thing. God never gets tired of hearing from his children, and I never get tired of thanking Him. This holiday weekend, lets start a new tradition- of giving thanks every day for every thing.
Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it’s necesssary.
Forgiving someone for a single infraction is a far easier task than forgiving someone for repeated issues. I should know. I have had a person in my life for over 20 years who is constantly and consistently hurting the people I love. I have been hurt by this person too, however, I am far more forgiving ( and forgetting) when it only involves myself. If I want to be realistic- I am just too busy to hold a grudge, retaliate, or actually take time to tackle the issue, whatever it may be.
When trying to deal with a difficult person, it is important to try to understand where their difficulty arises from. Why is it that seemingly good people change ( sometimes rather quickly) and become hurtful, spiteful and sometimes just rude? Has there been a tragedy, a situation or a life changing experience that has left a negative imprint on their heart? Is it the influence of a new friend or significant other? Maybe a medical issue or scare has the person totally frazzled, enough to put up a defense mechanism that turns into an offense.
I have, in recent years, tried to have a different perspective when it comes to people who make my life more bitter than sweet. I try to look for a reason for the issue at hand. Sometimes I get lucky and I can figure out the culprit very quickly. Sometimes I feel like I may go my entire life and never know the real reason why someone has so much hate in them that they would want to see the hurt on their loved ones faces after something they have said, posted online or otherwise. It frustrates me sometimes to the point of exhaustion. Worrying about it is another story entirely.
Worrying about my family and the hurt they have endured this year has been a lot for me to digest. Especially when I am fully aware there is not one thing I can do to fix this problem for any of us.
Then I remember that forgiveness is not optional, its mandatory.
Not only for the person I’m forgiving, but for my own personal life. Forgiving someone when they do something absurd is the only way to have closure on issues that befuddle me. By offering forgiveness to someone, I offer them Grace that they have never imagined. It doesn’t take the anger, frustration or heartache away right away- those things take time. But it does provide me with closure and peace that I have done the right thing when others aren’t willing to. And it provides my family an example of how to effectively deal with the issue of forgiveness when it seems someone doesn’t deserve it at all.
We all feel like that sometimes, but we have to remember- we only get to live our life one time on this earth-we should do our very best to leave a legacy of forgiveness and compassion that others may never know.
Praying for those who consistently are a thorn, that they may be blessed with a rose.
Still all True…:)
Over the past few weeks, I have been doing a lot of reflecting.
Lets face it, there has been a lot to reflect about.
The Two oldest children got married.
The youngest one entered High School.
The third one got his drivers license.
The granddaughter said “Mimi”.
There has been an overload of in laws.
I got laid off.
Things have been pretty stressful.
So, when things are like this, I reflect. Sometimes until I want to scream. I ask crazy questions, and then try to answer them. Some weird things have happened too, and they send me over the edge, so to speak. Like screaming all the way down. (I‘m still waiting to hit the bottom)
This is what I have come up with.
1- When “good” friends moved away, I found out how good of friends they really were. Like when they came back to town frequently and I don’t even know it.(thank you social media) Then I run into them and they act shocked and hurt that they didn’t know my children were getting married that weekend. (among other personal life things close friends would have a clue about if they were indeed as close as they made themselves out to be.)
2-There are some relationships I’ve worry about my entire married life, then I realized in one clarifying moment that I just do not care anymore. My marriage, my relationships with my husband, my children, my parents, my family, should not matter to other people. ( And their opinion of me should not impact their relationships with my husband and children either.)
3-I am maybe not meant to work a full time job with great income and great co-workers. I have applied everywhere. My degree is a piece of paper that cost me a lot of money, that looks pretty on my wall.(personally would like to throw darts at it)
4-People in my direct circle do not take me seriously when it comes to my expertise. Therefore, they consult other people with my expertise because those people are more likely to know the facts and I am not. (P.S. I know a few things, but I guess I will keep them to myself)
5-My walk with Christ is personal and sometimes when I sing, pray or worship I get full and I cry...That is just how I am wired. I am not the same person I was before my spiritual revolution, and some people do not know the new me. Sometimes people make assumptions based on things they have heard, instead of things they have found to be true for themselves. It makes me sad, because these very people should know better. And if they do not know better, then they do not trust in the word of God to be true. Redemption is real. Forgiveness is real. Change is real. I know, I have experienced them all.
Should I feel so frustrated for so many reasons? I think so. I am human after all. It gives me something to pray about, learn about, study. Provides me a place to grow. I like growing. It hurts, but its good.
I find in my reflecting, I am letting things go. Letting people go, and their judgement and false perceptions of me.
I do not need “friends” who are fair-weather- I need commitment.
I need prayerful friends who have a common goal- heaven.
I need in-laws who love and respect my husband in spite of his wife.
I need someone to take a chance on me and give me a job I can be worthy of.
I need people I trust to trust me with my expertise.
I need for the people who judge me to feel accountable for their own shortcomings first and understand I am redeemed by Christ- I’m not looking for redemption by any man.
Praying my attitude improves, and my reflections on all of these things is helpful for the future.
I love fall.
I LOVE FALL.
That is about all I have this morning.
Except this.
The sun is shining, it is a beautiful morning. I have no to-do list that is pressing, and I am looking forward to a wonderful day of things with my husband. We may move some roses. We may fix the garage door. We might have soup for lunch, and we might have time for a nap.
I love days like this.
Wishing I had a camera to collect the memories of a day like today.
My phone is pretty quiet.
My house is warm.
My coffee is hot.
My God is fabulous.
And my dogs are barking- which means they are hungry and want to come back inside with the family.
Praying everyday is a blessing for every one of you who read.
