My Own Heart-Abundance
“Decisive Givenness” is the title of the first devotion in the Ann Voskamp devotional, “The Way of Abundance”. The accompanying scripture hits me in a new way. “Walk in the way of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.” Ephesians 5:2
The way of abundance has been a thought on my mind a lot lately.
How do we have a broken heart and a full heart at the same time?
To me, a broken heart = a full heart.
When my heart is broken, I am reminded of another scripture- 1 Corinthians 13 I love this scripture so much and it reminds me that even in my own brokenness, love never fails.
Most importantly, I don’t have to go looking for it anywhere. It’s right here and always has been.
It can’t be fully snuffed out from my heart. It cannot be obliterated or cast away. Love cannot be undone.
When we were created in Genesis 2, God breathed himself into man to give him life.
So, as scripture is God-breathed, man is literally God-breathed, and God is love, so man has had love breathed into him since the very first created man took his very first breath.
Think about that. “The Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life and man became a living soul.” Genesis 2:7 (KJV)
I like the KJV best because of that last omitted part in the other versions, “became a living soul.”
Only real unadulterated love can do that.
God breathed his own breath of life and of love into man, and it was enough power to turn his lifeless body made from the dust of the ground into a living being encapsulating a soul. Your soul is a love language gift from God, the creator of the Universe.
*Sometimes these things come out of my head and flow through this pen, and I am taken aback breathless in wonder because this is exactly what He is doing in me- breathing life into the words- allowing me a peek inside the Holy process of creation and how much love it took to make it all happen the way He wanted it to.
All I did was write a few inspired and prayed-over words. He created everything.
No mistakes.
No errors.
No second guessing.
Simply love compassion and joy in His creation.
Even after everything that has happened from Genesis to the present day, He still breathes life into us every moment until we are ready to be in His presence once again.
It’s a whole amazing and life-affirming moment to realize the God of the Universe who placed the stars has breathed his love -breath into me in one perfect moment, and at some point will take my breath away so I can spend eternity in his presence.
Xoxo,
I know Who I am
I saw the upstairs of my house for the first time in almost 2 weeks. It was a huge relief to know the mess I created before my knee surgery is still there, waiting for me to recover so I can finish what I started.
I also had the best night’s sleep since before the surgery. Something about being in my own bed, snuggled up to my spouse, on soft sheets, and in the quiet of my own house that brings me rest.
It’s not lost on me the struggles people have when they encounter a physical ailment that incapacitates them. I’ve had to learn how to do a lot of things while hobbling around on crutches. For the most part, I have been on my own.
I’ve also had to learn my limits and adjust, plan well and learn to do without on occasion. It’s been a real humbling experience, and I am grateful for the abrupt need to slow down a bit (ok, a lot) and have some downtime of being still and leaning into the comfort of catching my breath.
I’ve also had some time to reflect on a few things.
During this time of recovery, I had moments of real struggle, from the mental health side. I’d have a few minutes when I couldn’t physically get comfortable. I’d struggle to move my body until the ache would subside. But the attitude stuck with me a few times and I had some moments of loneliness.
These were growing moments. I know what my tools are when I start to feel lonely, emotional and even abandoned. I have scripture and prayer as my number one and number two recovery tools. I have Bibles placed where I can reference them.
I’ve turned them into works of art, journaling and studying from them like they are my lifeline. Because they are my lifeline. I mean this in a very real, literal sense.
There is nothing in this world that can overcome the emotional and spiritual war inside my head like the word of God and the blood of Jesus.
There is nothing I cannot handle because I know I am not alone. I don’t have to depend on quick fixes to alleviate the mental games the deceiver likes to play with me, because my faith makes me his target.
I don’t have to sit and dwell on other people’s actions, inaction, or words without knowing who I am or what I stand for is going to end in a way better outcome for me by following the narrow path I have chosen.
I don’t have to make things complicated. I don’t have to live in fear. I know there is a plan for me here and beyond which replaces and trumps the need for every other plan I may have (or others may have for me).
In the weakest moments over the last two weeks, I have learned who I am in a deeper, more meaningful way. If I am going to be completely honest, I have also learned about who I am not.
I am the daughter of the Creator of the Universe. I am the wife of my husband, his best friend, and soulmate. I am the mother to the 4+ and Mimi to the 7. I am a friend to those who would honor me with such a title, and I am acquainted with all others.
I am not easily swayed, influenced, or convinced. I am not worldly or conceited. I am not proud or looking for accomplishment.
I am just me, Angie.
I am His and He is mine, and nothing else matters. And one day I will be complete. Until that day comes, I will continue to make the best decisions I am able to make, based on the guidance of the One who knows me best and the tools I’ve been given.
Regardless of injury. Regardless of other people. Regardless of emotion. Regardless of temptation.
XOXO,
It Starts with a Morning Routine
Do you have a morning routine?
I mean a real, day inspiring routine filled with habits that move you forward.
My routine is simple. I get dressed and head downstairs for coffee, supplements and writing in my journal. I do a massive brain dump on the pages, in the quiet of the morning. If I have to go to work, I have to be done by 7. If I am on a break or day off, I don’t. But because of my habitual ways, I am.
I learned a long time ago that if I wanted to change my life and move forward with anything I would need to develop new habits first thing in the morning. I needed to set up my day for positive outcomes. I found a few tools to help me.
The book The Artists Way by Julia Cameron was the first helpful tool I had. I used the Morning Pages section to shape and encourage my morning writing and brain dump. I committed to 3 pages every morning for a year. Once I accomplished this goal, I kept the habit because it was extremely good for me.
I drink copious amounts of coffee and I use something creamy in them. I love my morning coffee. I drink until the pot is empty.
I pray or meditate- this looks different each time I do it. It depends on where I am sitting and what else I need to accomplish that day. It also depends on how long my list is of things I need to pray about. Some mornings I only pray. Some mornings I also meditate over scripture. It happens everyday in some form.
If I am driving, I listen to a podcast or scripture using one of the apps I have downloaded. Access More is a great app full of podcasts from artists and ministry leaders. K-Love is the radio station of choice and I use multiple Bible apps to listen to scripture.
If I am home, I read. I typically have 3-5 books on my to do list, with a couple in process. I read everything. I just take my time with some things when I want to glean more from the content.
There are other healthy habits I have gotten into such as being more intentional with simplifying our home and lifestyle, planning meals and budgeting. These will always we a work in progress for me because they are naturally hard to do.
I also make lists for everything I want to accomplish and I am really good at getting things done when there is a written list. Handwritten. On paper or a whiteboard. I just do better with something visual.
I also have a hardcopy planner and I love it! I try to put everything in it, including our budget. I carry it wherever I go, and I use it for tracking most things in our lives that need to be kept track of.
In the quest to be more organized, I have started to change how I keep things. Storage containers and vacuum bags have become part of our routine, and I like feeling like I can find things again. Even labeling things has become a blessing, though some may think its over the top.
At the end of the day, if establishing few healthy habits allows me to be a better wife, mom and friend, then I am all for it. Taking care of myself on this level has been beneficial for everyone around me and has proven to be a very healthy choice for my mind, spirit and body.
Xoxo,
God Always has a Plan
God always has a plan.
Even when we don’t see it or recognize it right away. There is always a reason for all the things that happen in our lives. Always.
In January of 2022, the grandbabies had a birthday party at a trampoline park. Being the Mimi I am, I fully participated, jumping from trampoline to trampoline. I mostly helped chase the wild three-year-old around, but I did solidly jump for a bit with the older girls. It was a Saturday and a fun time.
The following week my knee and leg were so swollen I wanted to cut off my jeans. After months of advocating to my doctor and several x-rays and an MRI, my problem was diagnosed as a meniscus tear, sometime in early May.
For almost 4 months I walked around on an injury that likely was aggravated by the stairs I climb at work and the lifestyle I lead- busy and on my feet. I visited an ortho doc and it was determined I needed surgery. I cried as we listened to his words and as I left his office.
This was going to ruin everything.
We had a major trip planned- driving across country from Ohio to Wyoming- Yellowstone. We have a big wedding anniversary this year- 30 years. So, this trip was packed full of meaning and anticipation for both of us. The idea of not going was devastating to me in a very real, personal way.
Plus, lets be real- the last two years haven’t been anything to write home about. I mean, being an educator during a normal year is becoming bad enough, but during pandemic years? It has just been a bit much. Suffice it to say I was feeling down about the whole mess.
When I called to schedule surgery, there weren’t openings until after May 31. I made a brave (or questionable?!) decision to go on vacation first, then have the surgery after. This was not a decision I dwelt on. I just did it. It was something that popped into my head as a viable option, and I called the hubs to let him know my plan. He agreed, so we adjusted.
Originally, we were supposed to leave June 10 for vacation, arriving at Yellowstone June 13.
Instead, we left on the 4th and arrived on the 9th. We made multiple stops before arriving, because there is a lot to see between Ohio and Wyoming!
We were slightly concerned because there were some significant snowfalls in the park the week before our arrival and some roads hadn’t been opened yet. Once we did drive in, we were ecstatic to find everything was open. Roads, lodges, and wildlife were in full Spring mode. It was amazing.
No words can describe how in awe we felt connecting with our creator in such a place. No pictures can fully tell the story of amazement. But we sure did try.
On June 12, we had to decide our route to head home. Originally, we planned to drive from the cabin (which was nestled in between the South entrance to Yellowstone and the North entrance to Teton National Park), and head north all the way to the North entrance to Yellowstone, through Gardiner, Montana and across the northern route. But we missed a few things in Rapid city and realized we could go South and instead of staying a second night in this space, we could head to the Crazy Horse monument and other things we had missed.
It was starting to rain when we left that morning and we decided it would be better to drive away from the coming storms rather than through them.
We had no idea what was about to happen.
Late in the afternoon while heading to a hotel for the night, I received a notification on social media from my daughter. It was the Yellowstone page. It was both shocking and surreal.
The very roads we traveled the day before and had planned to travel that day were washed away. People’s houses were gone and between the snowmelt and the rain storms, the entire park was closed and evacuated in a matter of three days. Flooding and significant infrastructure damage were widespread.
We drove in stunned silence and once we arrived at our destination, we started looking for information. The whole park was a mess. Stories, pictures, and videos were pouring onto the internet. Hard decisions were being made.
It was almost unbelievable.
We recognize we serve a big God.
He is in control, regardless of circumstances. For the remainder of our trip, we avoided and outran or came behind huge storms which caused a lot of damage. We managed to avoid any and all situations which could have caused us harm. We marked things off our bucket lists that most people will never have the opportunity to do.
We realized we were two of a handful of people who last drove roads that are now washed away forever, and who spent time in a part of creation which will never be the same.
We realized all those months ago, a single Saturday afternoon birthday party would change the course of our vacation and the timing of our departure and arrival, saving us from major snowstorms and torrential devastating rainfall.
We realized how grateful and humbled we are by the power of a God who always has our best interest in mind, always has us in His hands and always has a plan.
Now, I know some people will say “You got lucky”.
I’m here to tell you, there is no such thing as luck.
And I wouldn’t trade knowing for certain God always has a plan for anything else in this world. Because I know it to be truth.
I hope you enjoy the pictures and I hope we are able to convey the masterpiece this earth is.
This is how The Creator of the Universe speaks to us, through creation.
XOXO,
Snow
*More photos coming in future posts.
Marriage Therapy: Tiling a Backsplash
When I asked him to help me turn our farmhouse into an actual place that looked like a farmhouse, he laughed. In all these years, it never occurred to me that it would be simple to make my house look like all those beautiful farmhouses I see in magazines and online. I literally live in one so there’s that.
One project I needed help with (and to be honest we had never tried before) was installing a ceramic tile backsplash in the kitchen. It was perceived as a potential huge mess and we didn’t want to experience that.
After a little research, I found a product that would help us install and cut the mess way down. It also allowed us to have the tile done in one day instead of waiting days in between.
The adhesive is called MusselBound. The pros- you can hang tile on the wall and immediately run the grout over it- no wait time. Cons- if you want to remove that tile the drywall is coming with it because it sticks forever. Also do NOT wear your hair down because it is worse than fly tape if you happen to come into contact with it. (IYKYK) True Story for another time.
The following are the pics from the project process. Much like other projects, we each had a job we were good at. Basically, everything I am too short to do, he completes. Like the corner of the wall. I am 5’2″. My short arms just don’t reach well enough to do whats needed to accomplish this job.
We purchased a small detailed button tile, because I like simple in my complicated world. It came in sheets and was very easy to trim to size.
We also purchased a simple tile installation kit that came in a bucket. It had tools for tiling small jobs in it and was less than $25. These kinds of tools are so helpful for those of us who are willing to tacke DIY like its our job.
I really like how this turned out.
It makes me a little nervous that its forever or replace the drywall, but I am sure I will get over it. It looks nice and clean. I like simple and these days nothing seems simple so its refreshing to come home to a kitchen that is pretty and simple, and matches the whole idea of my home.
This project was fast and really changed the overall look of the kitchen. Hubs and I were able to check this small upgrade off our ever-growing list.
I’m grateful for a husband who is more than willing to tackle projects large and small with me, and take me to dinner afterwards.
XOXO,
Set Apart
I have always been afraid to pray for certain things, knowing how God moves and answers prayer.
For example, when I prayed for patience, I was met with circumstances that taught me copious amounts of patience. While I was frustrated in the middle of these situations, in hindsight I have learned a few key things about myself and how to manage when I need patience most. It has prepared me for dealing with other people and circumstances mostly out of my control.
So, when I first started praying for clarity, I was a little apprehensive. I wanted to have clarity without the process of learning about it. I just wanted my eyes open (or so I thought) to whatever it was I felt I kept missing.
Clarity is like patience. God knows what he is doing by not immediately opening my eyes to things I was not ready for. While I have had a few glimpses of clarity, I understand some things remain hidden, likely for my protection.
But when clarity hit-whew.
I didn’t expect the answer I received, and yes, I said “answer”, as in one answer. While my question was multi-faceted, the answer I received came in the form of one single moment of clarity which repeated itself over and over.
The answer?
I am set apart.
Every time I struggle with understanding why I am left feeling like an outsider, I hear the whisper.
Every time I sit in wonder at a comment or revelation that I cannot get my head wrapped around, I hear the whisper.
Every time I feel left out and left alone because I choose a different path, I hear the whisper.
Set apart. I always wondered what that meant. I admit I was not surprised. I think praying for clarity really opened my eyes to some things I hadn’t seen before. It also reminded me of things I once knew and had forgotten.
There are several scriptures about being set apart. I have a couple of favorites.
In context, each of these scriptures points to a kept promise of God. Context is so important when referring to scripture. In order to completely understand the New Testament promises you really need to at minimum read and study the Old Testament covenants. (All of them, not just the big ones which seem to be popular like Noah and David)
In these verses, being set apart means God commits to keeping you with him, and you commit to keeping him with you. It’s reciprocal. It also means He has a plan, an actual plan for your life.
You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own. (The words of the Lord speaking to Moses)
Know that the Lord has set apart his faithful servant for himself; the Lord hears when I call to him. (A Psalm of David)
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you before you were born I set you apart; I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.” (The words of Jeremiah, recalling what God said to him)
Having clarity about being set apart has given me the confidence to move forward with whatever God has in store for me. It doesn’t mean knowing my future here on this earth, it means knowing my future after I am finished.
And that is the most important part of my future.
XOXO,
Outsider & Teacher
I’m an Intervention Specialist in a separate facility serving eighth-grade students. The story of how I ended up here is its own. But what I have witnessed in a few years is incredibly disappointing. Not all of the things I am speaking of here apply to everyone- but they all matter somewhere.
The truth is, I don’t know how anyone is surviving being a teacher right now.
It has been such a huge struggle for me, and for the people I work with. Aside from the typical expectation about working outside of contracted time, dress codes that are outdated, and the expectation that we are at the beck and call of every administrator, student, and parent 24-7, what else could possibly be wrong with being a teacher?
Just about everything.
Our collective exhaustion does not lie. Neither does the way we show up right when the virtual staff tardy bell is about to ring, and we walk out the door with ungraded papers and unwritten correspondence on our desks. There is no time to accomplish the demands put on us when arriving on time and leaving on time.
In my case, our “mandated” planning time is squeezed in between the 8 am arrival time and the students’ 8:25 arrival- the same at the end of the day- student dismissal at 2:53 (most kids are still here after 3) But our planning time is 3-3:30. (Supposed to be an hour, daily)
Lots of jokes coming at you in this profession.
I could go on for a long time.
Here’s the thing.
People in the private sector would NEVER put up with the things teachers put up with.
In some cases, it would never be allowed legally.
I don’t know anyone who works in an office building, for the government, or in a retail setting who puts up with verbal assault, physical assault, obnoxious patrons, and being overall abused from all sides like teachers are continuously expected to put up with. All the while maintaining decorum and professionalism in a manner that reflects all the wholesomeness of the district. (please forgive me while I gag)
I don’t know how people (I affectionately call them “talking heads”) get to sit on the outside of this job and make decisions about what I do in my classroom they’ve spent no time in, how to best serve my students they have never met, and within what parameters I will be “allowed” to teach. They literally have no idea about any of this, at all.
I don’t know why teachers allow any of this. I don’t know what unions are doing to prevent it. I don’t understand how it is ok to sit and let it happen.
I don’t have time to find out.
But I do know this:
People are leaving careers of 20+ years in the classroom where they have poured out their hearts and a lot of their lives into other people’s children, with no thanks or appreciation. Only a wage that doesn’t fit their workload and a lot of unrealistic expectations and demands. And new teachers are getting their Master’s degrees in other areas so they can LEAVE and go work someplace they are respected and paid for all the jobs they complete.
There are a lot of “trainings” and “professional development“ meetings required to implement the next big new thing which is often left to the wayside for the newest “next big thing” the following year. There are piles and piles of paperwork to be completed in a specific manner within a specific timeline and must be followed up on, and those piles keep growing and getting more complicated by the year. I am an Intervention Specialist and I have all IEP students in my classroom. My piles are huge.
There are tons of things that teachers do that no one even gives them credit for.
If you are a teacher, Intervention Specialist, or support staff in ANY fashion, I hope I conveyed how ridiculous parts of this profession have become. I hope I represent your struggle. I hope you speak up and start advocating for yourself and your teacher friends. I hope you can move forward and serve your students without losing yourself in the process.
If you would like to contribute to this series, please send me a comment with your email.
I would love to feature your letter to the public, school district, superintendent, or lawmakers.
It can be done completely anonymously.
*no risqué language or legal accusations, please.
I’m coming back with more on this topic because it is important. Things need to change and we have to get this right.
XOXO,
Good Mornings!
Good mornings begin with being still.
This seems to be the direct opposite of what the world insists we do these days. When I was a kid, I remember going to the corner restaurant and listening while my parents and extended family drank coffee and talked. I was restless- I wanted to be outside. They also did it at my aunts’ houses—coffee and talking, sitting for hours. It was so boring!
Now I would give up a lot of things to have those moments back.
Many of the adults are gone now, and none of the cousins really associate with one another or make an attempt to see one another. I’ve reflected on this with a friend and she too misses those days.
As an adult, I have worked hard to have my own quiet spaces I can retreat to. My husband and I have built places we can host friends or family and spend time just being still together. The problem is it seems no one knows how to do that anymore.
As I sit here I can count on one hand how many people have accepted my invitation for early morning coffee on the patio. The list is short, but the time is treasured. It’s as if it stops moving forward in those moments.
The sun comes up and rises high in the sky and before we know it, there is an alarm going off reminding one of us of the next thing we have to do today or an appointment we don’t want to miss.
I’ve learned- and it has been a hard lesson-that spending quiet time alone or with a friend in a quiet space is good for your soul. It’s good for your spirit and good for your life. I listen to the birds, grab another coffee refill and sit on the swing lost in my thoughts and not caught up in my to-do list.
Good Mornings were made for being still.
XOXO,
Reflections
There are so many things I could be reflecting on, yet few keep my attention like the topic I am about to throw out into this space. I’ve recently been made keenly aware of the fear other people have when speaking of their faith in public places or with strangers.
I have been a believer for the majority of my life. I was baptized at the age of 12 after multiple years in a charismatic youth group and many weeks of church camp. My parents made sure we went to church every Sunday and it was never an option- it’s what our family did.
I am grateful for that example. The truth is we all have choices in the way we spend our time and sometimes being a member of a church is a way of releasing some control over parts of our life we don’t want to let go of. We maybe don’t want to share our trauma, heartache, or failures. We are not afraid to share our successes, but we don’t always want to celebrate in a way that is deemed appropriate for the company of others.
When our faith intersects with our fear, we choose to be ruled by fear far too often. It discourages and disappoints me. Not because I am not guilty of doing the same thing, but at how quickly some believers are at determining and intentionally deciding not to be brave in their faith.
I have been nursing a knee injury for weeks. I have a brace on my knee and I hobble around a bit when it gets stiff. I met my husband at a store after work one day and as we approached the door, a couple was walking past us, and out of courtesy, we exchanged hellos. What happened next I will never forget- it is engrained in my spirit and I will never fully be able to explain how it has impacted me.
The man turned around and asked me “ma’am, does your knee hurt? Is it injured?”
I responded to him “Yes, I have an undiagnosed issue which is quite painful, with a brace and a limp.”
The next moment was everything.
He asked if he could pray for my injury, and when I gave him a stunned “yes” he asked to place his hand on my knee and started the most faithful, intentional, and descriptive prayer of healing I have ever heard in my life.
It didn’t take long for me to realize I was crying hard, tears rolling down my cheeks as he prayed over my healing, tendons, muscles, bones, and pain. He prayed for my anxiety, my worry, and my faith for healing.
My husband stood beside me silent and stunned, holding my hand not able to believe what he was seeing.
When he finished he asked me to walk around a bit because he was fully confident God would heal me.
When I thanked him he only said, “No, don’t thank me! Thank only Jesus.”
I was simply stunned. I quietly walked away, overcome with emotion and completely broken on the inside. I spent several hours wondering how impactful my decision to stop at a store was. I almost didn’t stop at all, but something inside me nudged me, so I pulled in.
My husband was decently quiet the entire evening and when we processed about this event, he and I were on the same page. It was quite indescribable. The entire thing was so surreal like I couldn’t believe the obedience of a stranger. He followed the still small voice to pray for me and it was not lost on me.
When recalling this even later with some friends, I heard people say some funny things. One person said it was dangerous to “simply approach strangers’ in that way. ” Another said, ” Oh I could never do that.” Yet another questioned the validity of it all. Others were as stunned as we are.
Rest assured, I have not questioned one single second. I am not completely healed. However- the lasting impact of a stranger’s kindness and obedience is not lost on me. I am still reveling in his ability to just stop in a moment and do what is laid upon him.
It is also not lost on me the unwillingness of believers to even contemplate being so intentionally obedient and faithful. I wanted in that moment of realizing their doubt to scream “If you only knew! If you only understood! If you only experienced what I had at that moment!” But my voice was frozen and my still small inner voice said “just be still because it won’t matter- they weren’t there.”
The truth it, it’s my story to tell. It was my experience. Others couldn’t possibly understand without taking the risk of opening themselves up to something deep, spiritual and maybe unknown.
My knee is on the mend. My heart is full. My faith and clarity strengthened due to the kindness and obedience of a stranger.
XOXO
