Friendship in Marriage
Friendship First:
When I asked John what he thought the basis of our marriage was, he responded
“We were friends first, and it grew from there.”
Marriage is Gods idea.
From the beginning of time, God saw the need for man to have a “helper”. It is by no accident that man named his helper woman-meaning ”taken out of man.”
God’s creative work was not complete until he created woman. He could have made her from the dust of the earth as he made man. God chose, however, to make her from the man’s flesh and bone. In so
doing, he illustrated for us in marriage, man and woman symbolically
become one flesh. This is a mystical union of the couple’s hearts and lives.
Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously- the goal of
marriage should be more than friendship- it should be oneness.
doing, he illustrated for us in marriage, man and woman symbolically
become one flesh. This is a mystical union of the couple’s hearts and lives.
Throughout the Bible, God treats this special partnership seriously- the goal of
marriage should be more than friendship- it should be oneness.
To be a friend to your spouse takes several key ingredients. As we review these, please think about the ones you would consider your strengths and weaknesses.
Commitment:
We all have relationships we have simply walked away from. The marriage commitment is a commitment which is taken not only physically but mentally and spiritually.
One definition of commitment is “an engagement or obligation that restricts freedom of action.” Obligation….restricts freedom of action. This is great food for thought. Considering one another in our actions is a priority in marriage.
Trust:
Completely, wholly trusting your spouse in every situation.
Trusting another human being with your life, heart, and soul is a true risk. Just as God expects us to trust Him, we must trust our spouse to have our best interests at heart.
· We also must give our spouse every reason to trust us. This can be done with a
little effort, and sometimes means leaving some old baggage and people behind.
little effort, and sometimes means leaving some old baggage and people behind.
·
Trust is directly connected to Commitment.
Trust is directly connected to Commitment.
·
Patience:
This one is a virtue that has been thrown around in a carefree manner. Regardless of
your belief, patience is the number one taught reflection in all of the faiths
in all of the world.
your belief, patience is the number one taught reflection in all of the faiths
in all of the world.
Patience is something that you do not wake up with one day, it is a gift learned and sometimes earned through a relationship with Christ.
In my personal experience, I had to learn patience with myself and my own growth before I could understand the need for true patience with my husband. It was then God opened my eyes to what I needed to understand his quirks and to explain to my hubby how to be patient with me.
·
Patience comes with trust and commitment.
Patience comes with trust and commitment.
Communication:
Constant and unfiltered about everything.
Constant and unfiltered about everything.
It’s not a secret that bad communication can be a problem in any relationship. No communication, however, is a marriage killer.
Communicate about kids, family, finances, work, other relationships and do it all under the umbrella of Gods
plan for your marriage.
plan for your marriage.
Communication is one ingredient of trust, patience, and commitment.
Keeping your friendship maintained in your marriage relationship does not involve anyone else.
·
There are things in every marriage that you naturally wouldn’t share with anyone
else. Let’s name some “taboo” topics that we would never (or rarely) discuss
with our girlfriends:
There are things in every marriage that you naturally wouldn’t share with anyone
else. Let’s name some “taboo” topics that we would never (or rarely) discuss
with our girlfriends:
- ¨ Sex
- ¨ Money
- ¨ Infidelity
- ¨ Worries
- ¨ Health concerns
- ¨ Family issues
The challenge in building and defining our marriage friendships is to add to this list of taboo subjects and making it more personal, more meaningful and more important to us as spouses. Let’s change our “public” conversations into “private” ones. Here are some examples of places we can start.
- Dinner conversation
- Prayer/worship time
- Social media postings
- ·In-laws
- ·Friends
- ·Church
Once we are in a place where we understand personal accountability for ourselves within our marriage, how can
we establish these boundaries without involving an outside person?
we establish these boundaries without involving an outside person?
In wrapping up, let me issue a reminder and maybe even a warning to all of us who are married or are going to
be married:
Marriage is hard. It’s unlike any other relationship you will ever have. As n individual, you can only do half the work in a two-person relationship, regardless of what your spouse believes.
God mandates marriage as a commitment to Him, not only to each other. If He has provided you a marriage, then he will
also provide a way.
also provide a way.
I am by no means an expert- I am only still learning after 25 years of wedded bliss. I do know that God has a plan,
and if this has made you angry or made you question your motives in your marriage- then I encourage you to call your spouse and work on it. Eventually every marriage hits some kind of wall. You just have to keep climbing over it.
and if this has made you angry or made you question your motives in your marriage- then I encourage you to call your spouse and work on it. Eventually every marriage hits some kind of wall. You just have to keep climbing over it.
Angelina, what beautiful encouragement for my marriage today. I am so blessed to call my hubby my best friend too. Thanks for sharing on the linkup!
Kim Stewart
http://www.kimstewartinspired.com
@kimstewinspired