A Bit of Reflection
Sometimes I have a thought. An epiphany of sorts. Reflecting on Thanksgiving will do that to me.
I wrote a book. I am currently having this book edited, then published. It’s not funny or witty. It isn’t fiction or adventure. It’s really my story and process through the first year or so of epic grief.
I’d like to say you will be mesmerized and fascinated. I’d love to be able to tell you it has life-altering advice. I’d also like to see it on a bestseller list if only to recoup the copious amounts of money and time I have spent on it. But, I probably won’t.
What I can do is tell you it is my story. Personal and up-close. It’s about heartache and loss, about relationships and how they change through loss. The most important thing? It’s about using Five words to acknowledge and come alongside someone who is grieving. It’s about having a little something to say when you don’t know what to say.
I know you don’t think you should apologize for my hurt. You think by saying “I’m sorry” you are apologizing for something you haven’t done to me. That’s ok because that’s not what this is at all. The “I’m sorry” part of the five words is no apology. It’s a simple way for you to tell me you are here. You have come alongside my hurt, my anguish, my grief. You don’t really know what to say which hasn’t already been said, but you want to acknowledge me in this place.
This Place.
It’s yucky, confining. Yet- it is the largest place I have ever been. It holds me hostage until I cry mercy. It feels very small somedays. Everyone arrives here in some way. The ones who’ve lost someone are in the grand ballroom, spinning, and spinning. The ones who are about to enter are in the foyer. They haven’t quite accepted the invitation to grieve. The ones at the buffet have been here a long time, navigating through broken smiles and empty chairs. They are the ones I gravitate toward. Those who have gone before me down this road.
For me, I am a fatherless daughter, and I see it in them. Friends and co-workers who have no earthly dad. Our own special table in this house of longing. We grieve in a special way. We miss the inside jokes, the unexpected visits, and the way he laughed at us when we did something out of sorts. It’s about more than the empty chair. It’s about more than the gifts only a father can give a daughter. It’s about all the moments we hold. All those simple quiet moments.
Now it’s about having someone else come alongside us, to hold our hand while we tremble. It’s about a simple few words and a smile of understanding. It’s about feeling like I am seen during this journey, and loved, and known.
If you should choose to read this book, I would be honored. I would hope it would give you something to say to those who may need something simple. I hope it changes the awkward silences and the uncomfortable narrative of grief small talk. I hope these Five words will give you or someone you love an open door to enter through.
Soon.
Xoxo,
Thanksgiving 2020
It’s early on this Thanksgiving morning. The boys are arriving at the woods for the annual pheasant hunt. My mom is probably rolling out of bed with a million things on her to-do list. I’m already 2 cups of coffee deep into this day. My house is a mess. My dog is sleeping in front of a quiet stove. (I think she believes this is a hint for me to fire it up) My daughter is up putting a turkey in the oven.
Yep. Feels like Thanksgiving.
Which sounds so strange because, this year, nothing has felt the way it’s supposed to.
Not one thing.
So what do we do when faced with such adversity during a time of family and friends, tradition, celebrating, and football?
We move forward. We make the best decisions for our family, ourselves.
Instincts are different from emotions. They come from the pit of your stomach- a place deep in your soul you may not even recognize. Maybe you have ignored your instincts so long you can’t hear them anymore.
I feel strongly about instinct. If your instinct tells you to be somewhere today, then go.
There is a solution.
Close your eyes. Be still for a moment. No matter where you are- in the car, in the woods, in the shower. Ask the Creator of the Universe to give you the right answer. Ask the only one who knows what to do every single time we are lost to guide your decisions today. Ask Him.
He will not let you down. He does not disappoint. Kick out the feelings. Kick out the fear and frustration. Concentrate on the little whisper from deep within. What does it say? Throw out logic, statistics, and your feelings. Run on instinct.
It feels very primal, doesn’t it? Like you have been unleashed to do all the things. It’s because you have. When you tune in to your instinct, you tune into something far greater and more powerful than we are ever meant to understand. It’s hard for us to simply accept it as truth and move on. But your instinct was given to you as a gift, and some of you haven’t even unwrapped it yet.
Open it up. Bring your wife, your children, your parents. Pray together for God to open your eyes and your instincts. Pray for guidance in making decisions and interacting with others. Pray for the direction that honors Him.
Thanksgiving is a time meant to give thanks to the one who provides us with our best life. It is time to be grateful and joyful. We should celebrate families, abundance, and life. This Thanksgiving 2020 is the only Thanksgiving 2020 we get. How do you want to remember it?
Grateful and Joyful go together. So do tradition, family, and celebration.
Lets all be mindful today to pause and listen, give thanks and breath in the gift of Thanksgiving.
XOXO
